Right Place, Right Time

When I was pregnant with Luke and after he was born, I was on a message board called The Nest (now known as The Bump. One day when Luke was three months old, a group of women decided to leave The Nest and form their own private board. They posted that if anyone was interested, to respond with their email address.

I just happened to be online that afternoon and see this post. It sounded intruiging, so I put my email address in. I figured I had nothing to lose, so why not?

This board of approximately 100 women is still going strong almost two and a half years later. We call ourselves 'our other family' and that is really the truth. We have gone through every aspect of being new parents together - from the sleepless newborn nights to first teeth to first steps to first birthdays. Many of the girls are already going through these same things again with their second and, in some cases, third children.

We have seen each other through losing parents and grandparents to losing jobs to losing friends. We have seen each other through infertility and miscarriages. We have seen each other through our kids' health concerns. We are there for each other everyday, just like a normal family; our exception is that we do so online instead of in person.

I have learned so much about being a mom from these women. I know for a fact that I would not be the mom I am today without them.

In the past year, these women have been with me throughout three pregnancies and three miscarriages. The outpouring of love and support whenever I post anything related to my losses overwhelms me. I could not have gotten through it without them.

Some people may think it's silly or even unsafe to have such a close community online. My own husband didn't really understand it for awhile. He looked at it as me playing on the computer too long; what he didn't know is that it was my way of chatting with my friends. He understands it now.

If I ever doubted my place on the board, or whether or not it was a waste of my time, I don't anymore. That all changed when I went to my mailbox two weeks ago and found this necklace:



It was sent to me from the girls on my board. Check out the Etsy seller it was purchased from - she has great stuff! MamaBethBling. I never in a million years would have thought to get anything to remember my three little angels. The fact that the girls on the board did, and picked out something so perfect, just means the world to me.

To date, I have met four of the ladies on my board. There are many that I may never meet in person, but I still consider these women to be some of my best friends. I am so thankful that I was in the right place at the right time. I don't know where I'd be without them.

Contentment

Back in November, I wrote this post about testing we had done after my second miscarriage. The day we found out about me having a balanced translocation in my chromosomes, we also found out that I was pregnant again. (I literally took a pregnancy test and then left my house to go to the doctor.) It was a lot easier to take the news because I was pregnant and I really believed that that baby would be healthy, that she (I thought it was a girl) would be born in July and I'd have my 7-10 baby, and then we could be two and through and not have to worry about this genetic issue.

Obviously things didn't turn out that way.

After my D&C, our baby was sent to UT Southwestern for testing. At first we weren't sure if it was necessary, but as Dr. Z pointed out, it's better to have more information than not enough. She said we should make sure that there isn't anything else wrong besides the balanced translocation, something that we would have never found out otherwise. We agreed.

Dr. Z called me on Friday to tell me that the test results came back that day. It was the balanced translocation that caused our baby to not survive. There was a mix up between chromosomes 2 and 16, which is exactly what the blood test said in November. She told me that a lot of people have this issue and never know about it and it never really causes a problem. But there are some people who have issues with it, and we now know with 100% certainty that I am one of those people. She told me that there is a very high chance that every baby we conceive will end in miscarriage because of this, and that her medical opinion would be for us to not try to get pregnant again on our own.

Now as a woman in "child-bearing age", a woman who has always wanted a big family with lots of kids running around, a woman who loves being a mom more than anything in this world - that was the worst thing I have ever heard in my life.

She told me that there are options - either in-vitro fertilization or even adoption. That if we go the IVF route, there is a doctor in Dallas who screens the embryos before they are implanted and only inplants those that are NOT effected with the balanced translocation. And we both have always said adoption is an option.

I'll admit that I spent most of Friday and even Saturday angry at God. Angry that He made me this way, angry that His plan for us included all of this. However, even when I was at my angriest at him - to the point of yelling out in the shower "THIS PISSES ME OFF!!!" - I was still so thankful that His plan included us having Luke before learning about all of this. There are so many women out there who don't have that and have gone through so much worse than I am. And wow, Luke is an even bigger miracle than we realized.

Last week Nate and I made the decision to take a year off. Getting pregnant and miscarrying three times in a year has taken its toll on my body and our emotions. We both feel we need at least a year to recuperate and to focus on God, each other, and our son. We both feel that God is telling us to wait and be patient.

That was made clear to me this morning. Our pastor did a sermon on contentment. I was shocked at the timing of this message. The series right now is the "Upside to Downsizing" so Pastor Randy was really preaching on being content with what we have, or even with less (think material possessions, etc.) But to me, God was speaking to me through Pastor Randy, telling me to chill out. Be happy with what I have - a wonderful husband, a healthy son, terrific family and friends - and to let Him handle things. I still want another baby, but it's time to let that go for now. It's time to trust that God will let that happen when the timing is right, even if the timing may not be for many years down the road.

DIY Violin

Luke is just itching to play the violin...so much so that he made one himself. All you need is a carwash sponge and a golf club and you can have one, too!!

Luke's Robe

My mom presented us with this robe when we were there this past weekend. My grandmother made this robe for me when I was Luke's age. It is not a girly robe so my mom thought Luke could get some use out of it. And he will considering Luke usually takes a shower in our bathroom and then runs through the house naked to get to his room.

Isn't he adorable?

Petsmart with Luke

One of my New Year's "resolutions" is to do an out-of-the-house activity with Luke every week. That may sound silly, but with him being in school two days a week, it makes it really easy to just chill around the house or do random errands on the days he is home...not exactly super fun to a two and a half year old!

Last week we went to the mall and rode the carousel. This week we went to PetsMart. We were going there anyway to get food for Daisy, but I turned it into an outing. We looked at all the fishies - and there were even frogs and hermit crabs to admire. We looked at the cats who were there to be adopted. We looked at the birds. We watched the dogs in the "PetsHotel" playing fetch and tug-of-war with one of the workers. We did not look at the rodents because I'm too skeeved out by those little creatures. We ended up spending a long time in PetsMart just watching the different animals, talking and laughing. It was the first time I didn't put Luke in a cart and he did wonderful just standing next to me and staying right with me.

Some funny stories from PetsMart:
-There were five cats in the adoption area. One was all black and it kept pawing at the glass and meowing at Luke. He was a little scared by it. Another was gray and black and when he saw it, he said, "That's like Ory. But not really." (Ory is Oreo, my parent's black and white cat.) Then there were three kittens (at least I think they were kittens) and one of them was very spastic. It was batting a ball and every once it awhile it would leap across the cage. Luke thought this cat was hilarious. Anytime it would move, he would deep belly laugh. It was so funny!
-He did the same laugh when watching the birds. One of them flew across the cage, and this tickled his funny bone. But then he said that the bird scared him. Since birds scare me, too, we walked away.
-There were three dogs in the PetsHotel - a Weimaraner, a Husky-looking one, and a Beagle. The Weimaraner was male, but it had a blue collar on like Heidi's. He said, "Look, Mama, that looks like Heidi!" Then he saw the Husky one and he said very seriously, "Mama, there's the big bad wolf! He's going to blow my house down!" He was very concerned about this dog. :) He didn't want to leave the dog area, but then I told him that he has two dogs at home he could play with so that seemed to satisfy him.
-The cashier gave him a bone for each dog and I told him he could give them the bones when we got home. He took this job very seriously and held a bone in each hand until we walked inside and I let the dogs in. He was so excited to get to bring them a treat. But he was a little confused why the cashier didn't give anything to him. I had to explain that at PetsMart, they only have treats for animals.

It was a perfect errand-turned-outing for us! I can't wait to do it again the next time Daisy needs food!

Dallas Symphony Orchestra

Luke and I were treated to a trip to see the Dallas Symphony Orchestra today. When my parents heard about the DSO's family concert series, they knew it was something Luke needed to see. One of Luke's favorite things right now is music and musical instruments. His favorite show is still Little Einsteins and it has greatly expanded his knowledge of classical music and the instruments. He can identify a violin, a cello, a trumpet, a tuba, a trombone, a flute, a piccolo, and a drum. His favorite instruments are the violin and the trumpet.

There were activities for the kids before the symphony, and Luke was able to get up-close-and-personal with several of his favorite instruments. He was in heaven!!

Luke and the mini-cello. Not exactly the way to play it, but whatever.


Luke and the tuba. It was almost bigger than he is!


Moving around where he could reach the buttons.


Luke and the trumpet.


Luke and the violin! The way he held it was so funny. Here he is asking for the bow.


He actually played the violin. He was sooooooo excited.


Luke and the xylophone.


Luke and the flute.


At our seats. He was entranced by the stage and all of the people with instruments!


We had fantastic seats to see the symphony orchestra. I wish my eyes were open, but my flash is entirely too bright!!


Looking at the program with Mammie and Boppa.


Photographs were not allowed during the performance. I really, really wish I knew my camera well enough where I could have taken a picture without the flash of Luke watching the symphony. The look on his face was absolutely PRICELESS. He was in awe, and he kept pointing out the different instruments. He was so excited. The funny part was he kept asking where Quincy was. (Quincy is a Little Einstein who plays all the instruments.) I got a little nervous that he would not do well sitting still and being quiet during the performance, but as usual he exceeded my expectations. He was not silent - he never is unless he is sleeping - but he whispered when he had something to say and he really tried hard not to talk. He took turns sitting in my lap, my mom's lap and my dad's lap. We were all so proud of him, and after the performance the people in front of us and behind us commented on how good he was and asked how old he is. They were all surprised to hear he is only two and a half!

We walked out of the performance and Luke looked at my parents and remarked, "I wanna go to symphony again!" So I think it was a hit!!

Butterfly Release

We went to the Butterfly Release at the Texas Discovery Gardens yesterday. There were lots of activities for kids, a brunch catered by Blue Mesa, and, of course, the butterfly release. All of us - Mom, Dad, Beth, Justin, Nate and me - got to release a tropical butterfly. Luke was "too young", but we let him hold our containers so he could get a good look at all of the butterflies.

Before going into the butterfly house, Mammie helped Luke get a temporary tattoo. He picked out the dragonfly.




Once inside the butterfly house, we shed the sweater because it was 85 degrees and HUMID in there. He was in awe of all the butterflies flying around.


Intently checking out the butterfly in the container.


With Mammie and Bee.


Justin and Nate were troopers - neither of them were too excited about this thing, but they were good sports about it.


Waiting for one of our butterflies to fly away. This one was very, very stubborn and we waited forever before it finally flew out.


Luke was wondering when it would fly!


Nate had the magic touch, it finally flew off right after I took this picture.

2010!!

Yes, I realize it's been 2010 for over a week...I just haven't felt like doing much blogging.

But right now I'm sitting in Luke's bathroom with the laptop while he takes a bath and I figured now's as good a time as any. Just in the last week Luke has decided that he would rather take a bath than take a shower. He's been taking showers for months - maybe a year? - but now he wants to bathe. Okay, whatever. This just means I'll have to keep his bathtub clean again!!

I'm loving listening to him play without being an active participant. His imagination is growing daily and I just can't get enough of it! He's already filled up his mini Rangers helmet with water and pretended it was a birthday cake. He sang "happy birthday" to everyone he knows. Then he would offer a "friend" a piece, then say, "oh, you don't like it? that's okay, I'll eat it," and proceed to dump the water out.

Now he has three of his trucks and is making them race down the back of the tub. Silly.

We got back into the real world this week. Nate had his first full week of work in three weeks and Luke went back to school. I'm not sure who was more excited about this - me or him. I was nervous that he'd have trouble going back after two weeks but that was NOT the case. He was sooo ready for school on Tuesday morning. He ran to his classroom and barely gave me a passing thought when he saw his friends and some new toys in the classroom. I'm so glad he loves school so much and I love having the free time to do child-free errands and chores. It's just perfect.

That's all I got for my first post of 2010. We went to a butterfly release today but I haven't uploaded pictures yet...so there will be a post at some point about that one. Stay tuned!!